Friday, October 29, 2010

Such As It Is . . .

Some of those closest to me will recognize this as something my paternal grandmother said often. I hear it in my mind a lot these days. I know that simple phrase is MeeMaw's personal message to me, her instruction to my heart.

I have debated within myself as to whether I could continue this blog. Many have asked, many have encouraged me.

Encouragement. Wow. I want to try to say something that in reality is totally beyond expression. The love and compassion that have been poured out upon my son, myself and my family is beyond description. And enduring. I could never possibly tell you all what an impact you have made and continue to make with your kindness. We have travelled a dark, scary and unknown road with many surprises along the way. I have been overwhelmed and amazed by touching compassion from unlikely sources, so deep it takes my breath away . . . and then there are other times . . . times when I have felt so sad and alone . . . times when I think of someone I haven't heard from at all, someone I thought was close to, even a relative. I have to believe that they simply don't know what to say. With that in mind I just want to share that I have found some of the greatest comfort when I've been told "I still think of you/pray for you. I just don't know what to say."

I guess my message in discussing the sadness is that I have personally learned how much it means to let someone know. You don't have to come up with magical words, sometimes it's better if you don't try, it is the simple act of reaching out that is most meaningful.

I have a lot more to say about such things and some beautiful quotes that have been shared with me . . . another time.

For now. Yes, I have been sewing. Sewing a lot. I have made two deliveries to Childrens Hospital of items donated in Ashley's memory. I plan for this to be an ongoing devotion honoring her memory. I have completed an elaborate set of altar linens for the church, in her memory. And my dear friend Pat has made certain that I have as much to sew for the fabric stores as I wish. She and Laura have sent some amazing and beautiful projects my way. I have so many pictures I've been hoarding. For now I will close with this beautiful, beautiful quilt that I will deliver today to Laura at Jackman's in Fairview Heights. It will be on display, so if you go in the store you can say you saw it here first. :p

"from HOPE springs COURAGE to LIVE and DREAM" . . .
The quilt pattern was designed for cancer awareness and support (and a portion of sale proceeds will go to cancer charity). But I think too, that the words speak to my heart right now.

I thank you Lord for the angels you have put in my life, bringing me support and encouragement to embrace hope.

In loving memory of my dearest Ashley . . . Special prayers today for those in need . . . Larry, Brenda, John, Dean, Jamie, Helen . . . and families. God loves you all and so do I.


Patty Nash said...

Your quilt is beautiful just like you. It is absolutely wonderful that you GIVE back to be a blessing to someone else. That is such a neat way to honor Ashley.
You are an inspiration to me.
I am so excited for the day when my girls get to meet you.
Love, Patty

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you decided to post the quilt picture and I hope you put the other one on soon as well as the other projects you have done in the past couple of months. It really is fun for those of us who aren't creative to see the magical things you can put together. I am sure that Ashely is very proud of you as we all are. p.s. I also like the new blog background. Love you, Sister Linda

Lisbeth Thom said...

What a lovely quilt, Janis. You have shared so much of yourself in those stitches. What great therapy for you to pour out your grief by doing what you love and turn it into something so beautiful. The design cannot help but make the owner of this delightful piece of art hopeful and happy. Hugs to you, Love, Libbie

Kiser boys said...

I'm so glad you are back on your blog. Your page redesign is nice, and the dedication to Ashley is awesome. Made me cry :)

Paula Prass said...

I've been reading your blog and the emotions well up inside. We both share in the pain of loss, clinging to our faith and wanting to make a difference through our gift of creativity. Thank you for reaching out sweet lady! Email me anytime: